January 26

Fingerprints All Over My Heart
Day 26
Sometimes it hurts when people touch the more sensitive parts of you very deeply. Today I am labor sitting. This is a painful day for me for this mother has made the difficult decision to surrender her baby to TLC. I can tell it is painful for her on so many levels, but between her deep shyness (and shame?) there is no way to help her process other than to simply be as loving as possible with my ministrations, and to murmur sweet little non-sensical things to her, or deliver little snatches of song as they come to me. There is nothing I can really do here but love. So I will love her for her hard decision; I will love her for her sacrifice; I will love her for carrying this baby to term, taking her vitamins, and drinking her water; I will love her for the work her body is doing so faithfully. I will not blame her for her life circumstances, both the ones in her control and the ones out of her control. I will love her unborn baby each time I listen to her little heartbeat; each time I feel her mama’s belly to see what position she has chosen. When I touch her for the first time I will tell her that she is welcomed and loved by many and that everything will be all right. I will do my best to be tender and gentle and kind. Today is Sunday and I was not able to go to a church service, so in my heart I will go to “midwife church”. I will sit at the altar of birth, and thank the creator for this little life that was certainly meant to be! I will sit at the altar of birth and thank this little wee woman’s mother, grandmother and all the former generations of women who led to this small fulfillment of femininity. I will sit at the altar of birth and thank my own mother, my grandmother and my amazing tiny Cherokee great grandmother that birthed her babies with Cherokee midwives. I will sit at the altar of birth and fulfill my ministry of shepherding a new soul earthside and give thanks my creator that he has chosen ME to do this work, even on hard days like this. I will sit and be quiet and wait… for the grace that comes to midwives… for the strength that comes to midwives… for the wisdom that comes to midwives … to know (with that deep, deep knowing) what to do in each moment, what to say in each moment, and how to be the ‘me’ I am meant to be in each moment (I am still *becoming*). Think of me today dear family and friends… send me some love and good thoughts and say a prayer … I love and miss you all.